A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.
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Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.
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The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
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Reputation is made in a moment. Character is built in a lifetime.
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Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
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Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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If hindsight of some women was as good as their foresight, they wouldn't be wearing slacks.
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My only hobby is laziness, which naturally rules out all others.
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INSOMNIA = 1:51 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:52 A.M. + ETERNITY + 1:53 A.M. + ETERNITY
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A teenager is someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrow's math test.
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Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate.
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If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
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The man who stops advertising to save money is the man who stops the clock to save time.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger ... but I love you now.
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Pile up enough tomorrows and you'll end up with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.
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Life has never given me lemons. It has given me anger issues, anxiety, a love for alcohol and a serious dislike for stupid people. But not lemons.
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Morning sex: proven to be more effective than coffee.
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Don't lend money to friends -- it causes amnesia.
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